Hiding from fear

"Go like sheep among wolves,
with roaring lions prowling round.
You will be arrested and beaten,
taken to court;
your families divided against you;
nations will be at war:
but you, be at peace."

Hang on
Did I miss something there?
Where is the peace in that.

Not surprising that the disciples
hide behind locked doors for fear.
Locked in fear.
Not knowing what to do next.

Jesus dead.
OK, he had reappeared,
but then left again.
Enigmatic as ever.
The Spirit had come in power - then nothing.
We were on our own

But then things just got worse.
It all came true.

Paul said at least I had my wife with me.
Well I did for a time,
till she got fed up
With the constant travel.
The constant conflict
"You bring it on yourself," she said.
And found herself a life,
A place to put down roots.

Jesus knew it would happen:
He said we had to give up families -
Wives, children, friends
For his sake.
We would be rewarded, he said

Then they came for me.
I was locked away, shut in,
held down by chains,
unable to move.
As the guards like lions roar around.

And worse is the fear I carry inside.
Fear of failure,
Fear of others,
Fear of self.
Not knowing what to say.
Knowing I will be left behind,
Rejected, or worse ignored

Jesus said: "Peace."
For others perhaps not for me.

Then an angel appeared,
the chains fell off,
the gates fell open.
And the guards had their turn to fear.
I thought it was over.
Now I would be welcomed back.

But as I approached the door
I knew the disciples were too busy for me.
Only Rhoda noticed me
outside in the cold
and she left me there to go tell the others.

And the disciples
Too busy to notice,
Got on with their meeting
Planning and praying.
Or perhaps afraid
of the guards close behind
hammering on the door

So I went away
Carrying my prison with me.
I turned away again
and went off
alone.

©Peter G Ashby 2008