Pick up a penguin

I was told that March of the Penguins was a fine example of family values and also demonstrated "Intelligent design" and so was proof of God. Recommended viewing by the American Christian right. So I allowed myself to be persuaded by E that it would be worth being dragged along to.

But intelligent design? Hardly. The penguins in question, instead of having babies close to the food supply, walk 70 miles across the ice of Antarctica to find a mate, a different one each year needless to say. Once found she lays an egg on his feet (really) and then buggers off with her mates back to the sea while he stands there in minus eighty temperatures trying to get the egg to hatch.

While she is away swimming about and eating as much fish as she can find, he puts up with a blizzard for a couple of months without so much as a six pack, a packet of pringles, and a couple of anime dvds to keep him happy.

After several months she decides that maybe the kid has been born so she goes back. Nine times out of ten of course the egg is deep frozen or the chick has decided to hop off its dad's feet only to discover that thousand feet thick ice is too cold to survive on.

And after being sent off to get the supper several months before, does she bring back some decent cod fillets for tea, or a deep fried mars bar? No chance. Regurgitated fish. That's what the kid gets. And he has to scrape around in her gullet to get that.

So much for family values. But hang on. Women going out on a blinder leaving the bloke in charge, then coming back and being sick over the kids. Maybe not so far removed from West Bromwich after all.